Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Truly Holy Certifiable Crap.

This is an honest-to-goodness email I recieved today addressed to me and the rest of my colleages at Southern Football U:
  Renowned Professors,

following is information from Jonathan Gray, Biblical Archeologist and Geologist,
from New Zealand, demonstrating evidence that overturns conventional geological
dating techniques for our planet.

i urge you to read and ponder this information seriously. it may be the last
warning you receive from a Christian who has mercy and compassion upon your
errors.

wake up and escape Satan's lying clutches before it is too LATE.

Sincerely,
  Michael Philip Korn
A concerned American and Citizen of the Kingdom of God.
Following the heartfelt expression of concern for my soul in this the irresistable overture was a nearly incomprehensible string of incoherent e-blathering. One of the more amusing sections:
  michael korn wrote:
Jonathan,

thanks for this amazing letter.

my wife and i recently saw a video about noah's ark on mt. ararat. it concludes by
saying that maybe the ark is re-appearing now to warn our generation of a disaster
similar to the one it originally was designed to save us from. but this time the
flood will be of fire, not water.

as you know, i am in regular communication with evolutionary biologists,
geologists, and astrophysicists at the university of colorado in boulder. they
almost all are in total denial of these uncomfortable truths. i suppose i dont
blame them. it is a rare man who allows truth to so convict him that he is willing
to foresake his employment to pursue it.

this is pretty much what i did when i embraced christianity in the year 2000. in
so doing i faced "unemployment" from the orthodox jewish world i was part of in
israel. i am grateful the LORD gave me the courage to do this. but i can
understand the fears and reluctance of the scientific community to follow in my
footsteps, since they have even more to lose than i did back then: prestige, high
salaries, and of course suffering the scorn and mockery of their colleagues.

it makes me both sad and angry that people can be so intellectually gifted and not
see the Creator who endowed them with those gifts! one professor here, the
Chairman of the Psychology Department, told me after reading my flyer about
Creationism vs. Evolution, that the natural world contains not a single sign or
evidence of God. amazing. a Dept. Chairman amidst a renowned academic community
cannot see any evidence for God around him. terribly sad, but also terribly
frightening. especially since these are the people who are "mentoring" the 30
thousand students who attend here!

at times i feel such rage at their arrogant pride and willful stupidity and
blindness. other times i feel smothering depression to live amongst such
stubbornly wicked people.

but your emails give me a small thread of hope.

Sincerely,
Michael Philip Korn

Arrogant pride and stubbornly wicked, okay, that I can see. Anyone who can dedicate years of their lives and lots of resources to the distant pre-human past and argue its noteworthy significance could be categorized as such by genocide victims in Darfur. But spend a few minutes around any scientist, and "willfully stupid" will likely not come to mind.

But I guess I would fit their mold since I find the alleged "reports" of sole prints in million year old rocks quite hilarious, particularly the "Triassic" rocks of 196-160 million years ago (puh-leez, the age of Triassic is not that hard to google!):
You have probably heard of all those iron pots,
gold chains, silver vases, ancient buildings and
so on, discovered deep down inside coal mines?

Okay, artefacts are one thing. But what about
people?

You may wonder. Have traces of actual human
beings been found in the wrong places?

Definitely - yes.

For starters, human footprints are found in
undisturbed strata of virtually all geological
“ages”

yes, they've been unearthed in rock layers
where the so-called “earliest” life forms appear.

Here are some examples:

* Pershing County, Nevada: A shoe print, showing
evidence of a well-cut and double-stitched leather
sole, in Triassic limestone “160 to 195 million years old.” ...

Butchery of the Geologic Time Scale notwithstanding, my favourite (spelled the british way for effect) had to be the heartwarming story of Man and Trilobite coexisting peacefully, until said Trilobite is squished by said Man's heel:
On June 1, 1968, William Meister was looking for trilobite fossils. With difficulty, he was climbing a 2000 ft high rock face.

He paused, and broke off a 2 inch thick lump of rock with his geology hammer. It
opened like a book,revealing a trilobite in the heel of a sandal print.

A consulting geologist was called in. He found more sandal-prints and some
footprints of bare-foot children.

It would seem from this evidence that mankind and
trilobites co-existed.
All of this would be more amusing if it weren't for the fact that I personally know people who would read this and believe it, hook, line and lead-posioning-causing sinker. Thank goodness we have Wikipedia to save the day.

9 comments:

Thermochronic said...

I wish we coexisted with trilobites, I bet they'd be good in a stew or curry. I am positive they'd go well with my ammonite burgers.

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